| “ | Things just seem to happen to people who don't drink Wilkins! | „ |
| ~ Wilkins after two of the times he attacks Wontkins. |
| “ | Strange things happen to people who don't drink Wilkins! | „ |
| ~ A variant of the above after Wilkins drops the Washington Monument on Wontkins. |
| “ | Wilkins: En garde, salute Wilkins Coffee!
Wontkins: But I don't drink Wilkins Coffee! |
„ |
| ~ Wilkins when killing Wontkins with a sword for refusing to salute Wilkins Coffee and his most infamous quote. |
| “ | Wilkins: Any last requests, like for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?
Wontkins: No! |
„ |
| ~ Wilkins before activating an electric chair Wontkins is strapped onto. |
Wilkins is one of the two main puppet protagonists of Jim Henson's Wilkins Coffee commercial series. Despite being the spokesperson of the coffee, his methods of promoting it can be downright heinous and cruel.
He was voiced and puppeteered by the late Jim Henson.
His Evil Ranking[]
What Makes Him Heinous?[]
- In each commercial, he constantly abuses, tortures, and even kills Wontkins over declining all of his offers of Wilkins Coffee and it's variants, and even when an assisting force does the work for him, he expresses no concern and continues to belittle Wontkins.
- He shot Wontkins with a cannon.
- He let a Wilkins Coffee-dispensing machine knock out Wontkins after he declined receiving any.
- He strapped Wontkins onto an electric chair and activated it once he ensured that he still didn't want any Wilkins Coffee.
- He blew up Wontkins's house with him in it after he stated that he didn't have Wilkins Coffee.
- He shot Wontkins with his "camera", which was actually a disguised firearm.
- Since the "camera" is for him to take pictures of people who don't drink Wilkins Coffee, it's implied that he has killed many people other than Wontkins through this, and the portraits in the background of the commercial in particular also support this.
- As a cowboy, he shot Wontkins in point-blank range after he confirmed he didn't drink Wilkins Coffee.
- While fencing, when Wontkins stated he didn't drink Wilkins Coffee, he stabbed him to death offscreen.
- He pushed Wontkins off of a building during a coffee break at work after he declined his offer of Wilkins Coffee.
- He placed Wontkins in a machine that tells whether one was a good guy or bad guy, and once the machine read him as a bad guy, it constantly pummeled Wontkins to seemingly no end.
- Since he says "only good guys" drink Wilkins Instant Coffee during this, it's implied that he may have built the machine himself, or at least tampered with it.
- In a game of poker with Wontkins, he fired at him point-blank after bringing out a can of Wilkins Coffee and quipping about nothing beating the brand.
- He beat Wontkins with a club until he gave in and stated that Wilkins makes the best coffee.
- When he's not physically abusing Wontkins, he constantly belittles and taunts him, such as hiding out in his TV and blowing it up from the inside after Wontkins says that he doesn't like the commercials.
- Even if Wontkins admits to liking Wilkins Coffee or lying about it to outsmart him, Wilkins will always see through this and abuse him anyway.
- It might also be possible that each instance of him admitting to liking the brand was Wontkins's unsuccessful way of pleading for his life to be spared.
- While there have been villainous commercial mascots before, they have never gone to the extent of torment and sadism that Wilkins had went.
- And the worst part about Wilkins' constant abuse, torture and murder of Wontkins is that he doesn't just abuse him for not drinking Wilkins Coffee, as in other commercials he is shown to abuse, torture and murder Wontkins for not eating or drinking brands like Community Coffee, Red Diamond Coffee, Nash's Coffee, Wilkins Tea, Kraml Milk, Taystee Bread, Merita Bread, and Dugan's Bread and sometimes even for not doing minor things like checking the week's jackpot winners list at SOHIO.
What Makes Him Inconsistent?[]
- He is on and off, as he has (although very few) moments with Wontkins where he's genuinely affable to Wontkins, even giving him Frank's Ginger-Ale (which Wontkins likes) occasionally.
- Most of his heinous actions are played up for laughs.
Trivia[]
- Currently, he, Constantine, and Gonzo (despite being fanon) are the only three muppets to be Inconsistently Heinous.
- He is also the only canon Inconsistently Heinous muppet to not come from The Muppet Show or the Muppets duology.